Advice For Boston

Attention Boston Fans...

Well, it's the eighth inning of Game Four, and it looks like you're going to win. So, from a fan of a team with 26 World Series Wins, to the fans of a team who hasn't had one since back before penicillin, let me offer you some helpful advice, since you don't necessarily have a lot of practice at this whole "winning" thing. Ready? Here we go....

• Don't riot and burn down your town and/or stadium ... yes I know this sounds basic, but just last week you guys were rioting so bad that some chick got shot in the head and killed. You won, you're supposed to celebrate, not burn the place down. If you burn the place down, you're going to have a hard time trying to repeat without a place to play ball....
• You only get to lord over the other teams for a year. Yup, you won, and we (and everyone else) will have to listen to you gloat about it for an entire season... but just remember that after the end of next season, it's just another part of your past, and if you try to throw it peoples faces, they may ask you to do things like "win 19 more so we can have a meeting of equals" or something. Just thinking out loud....
• Now, if Boston is like every World Series winning team outside of New York City, the very next thing your team's management is going to do is sell off the entire staff. Again, this sounds stupid, but history shows that all the GMs seem to want to do it. If they do, you should kill them. Seriously.
• Now that you've won, you've proven that you can do it. This means that your fans are going to expect you to do it again next year, and again, and again, and again. And, since you've proven you can do it, you can't call upon mystic forces and the cursed spirits of dead slugger greats to explain why you don't succeed. From this day forward, you'll have to accept responsibility at the end of the year, and say "We didn't make it because we flat-out sucked," and not try to pin the blame on some dead home-run hitter your team gave up once upon an eon ago.

Enjoy the gloating next year.