I keep coming back to a couple constants in my life:
- I hate my job
- I hate my complete lack of a social life
- I live in an area that isn't really amenable to solving either of those problems, because there's no decent tech companies in the area, and if you don't like going to bars, you're not going to meet women in this area.
- I'm tired of fucking moving... the past two years living in Port Ewen has been the longest I've lived in one residence since I moved out of my parents' house over a decade ago.
So I'm pretty well hosed. I need to move, but I don't want to. I want a social life, but seem geographically-challenged and socially-inept enough to guarantee it's not going to happen.
It's a pretty sad commentary on life when the only portion of the entire week that I'm at all happy is on the Friday and Saturday evenings when we all get together for D&D Night. I mean, seriously, how fucking weak is that?! The only time I'm happy with my life is when I'm partaking in the life of a fictional character? ...sigh...
I read an article a couple years ago, about some folks who, on 9/11, decided "this would be an excellent opportunity to quietly walk away from everything, be presumed dead in the attacks, and live a completely new life somewhere else." Man, does that sound appealing.
I've given serious consideration to letting my ass sink way further into debt than it has ever been, taking out massive amounts of student loans, and changing from "part-time Marist commuter student" to "full-time Marist on-campus resident student" ... Living on campus, selling 95% of my crap to fit into a dorm room and calling it a day.
The problem is, that's not terribly realistic. It doesn't solve the fact that, just to cover my monthly debt payments, I have to net about $1500 or so a month. I'd be spending so much time working off-campus that it'd defeat the whole purpose of the change in the first place.
*sigh*
Whatever happened to "Getting the heck out of the country is going to be my top priority"? (Nov. 3 post)
Stuart - that's a lot tougher than it seems...
Job front- Can't help you there.
Social front- that is a little more workable. Yes, you don't do the bar scene. How many times have I asked you to go with us to a restaurant with a bar? You eat dinner while doing that scene. You could have come out with us this past Friday. Next time I'm just going to drag you out. Second, though you may feel socially inept, there is no way in hell that you are as socially inept as George is (x-mas as a case study. You are right about Port Ewen and the surrounding, I agree, but they're are a lot of people out there looking for the same things you are. I don't think it is not able to be overcome.
Derek stop being so damn hard on yourself.
A social life is bound by the law of you get out what you put in.
For your job I can not help you there I am sorry. From every thing I have been told you are very good at what you do; don’t hold your self back, you can find better things.
In order to improve your social life you have to go out and look, perhaps not at bars, but some where. A lot of places in the area have music, festivals in the summer, even trade shows, what ever. I have met you once; you seem to have a good sense of humor that goes along way. You just have to go and do. Garbage in Garbage out, that is a rule that works in a lot of places.
I think a lot of us are in the same place honestly. Look at how fast I jumped at the opportunity to hitch in with an ADND group of people around my age. Do you think it is because I don’t have things to do? Well no not really, it is because every one looks for new social experiences, some times you just have to take a chance and pursue them a bit.
Is there a 'Young Professionals' organization in your area? If not, start one up! (Yes, I'm being serious). We have one out here in *middle-of-nowhere* NY http://www.styp.org . They do social and civic events.
It's where I met Dan :) and several other new friends
Same thing over here in the UK Derek - same thing. Yeah, London is great, but I'm stuck in this godawful anonymous town outside of London and it is , to use the proper English, "crap".
End result - I like my job (I'm lucky) but the social life is pretty much non-existant. Seriously looking into teleworking from France - at least the wine and food is better over there and a heck of lot cheaper.
YP group is a great idea, especially for a techie. There is a strong "geek" sub-group in ours. You could also try Habitat for Humanity, or some other group like that. The main thing is to be looking for things to do that you will get some enjoyment or satisfaction out of, even if you don't meet anybody right away. I did STYP for almost 2 years before meeting Tera, but it was a new group of people to hang out with. I knew the old group wasn't going to suddenly sprout opportunities.
Friday or Saturday- YOU ARE GOING OUT, DRESS NICELY, THERE WILL BE FEMALES PRESENT.
Derek:
Don't forget, working from home is great; but it's like home-schooling, one misses the "social" aspect of being around other people. You don't get the opportunity to meet women in an environment in the same liking (hopefully) as yours. Maybe it's your "bad luck" catching up with you, or maybe it's the "BLUE DAYS" of January (winter), but " The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow". Go out with Pete this weekend and enjoy yourself - you too Pete. You've been friends all your lives.
If you never get out - to the library, to the grocery store, to an social group or activity where the chances of meeting new people is high - then your chances of getting a date are slim. Is there a singles' group in the area? Are there (like someone else suggested) charitable organizations you'd be willing to donate time and effort to? Hell, do you have friends who go out to the movies regularly and invite new people? All is not lost. Part of being attractive to other people, too, is changing your attitude towards yourself - do you feel attractive? If not, why not, and can any of that change?