June 2005 Archives

Does anyone know if anyone other than Empty-V is showing Live 8 in the states? I mean, seriously, this is a long-ass concert stretching across like twelve time zones, and the Empty-V is only scheduled for an eight hour block of coverage. Doesn't exactly come across as a ringing endorsement that one would get to see the whole thing. I'm not even sure you could get the highlights into only eight hours.

And, of course, MTV doesn't have a hi-def version, so while the rest of the world gets basically "the whole show, in all its hi-def glory", us Merkins will be subjected to eight hours of MTV Tripe in low-def suckage.

Sigh.

OK, I keep finding lots of references to things which will parse X12 files, but I have yet to find any cool Perl modules to generate X12 files that you might send to a healthcare organization.

Any readers know of code that already does this? I bet if I'd been a dick and kept a copy of the source-tree at Byram, that I might have actually found that code lying around somewhere. Damn my integrity all to hell....

I went into the local Jiffy Lube today to get the oil changed in the Jeep and get its annual State Inspection before the end of the month. What I was confronted with when I got to the waiting room looked like a scene from a kindergarden, except with the authority figures removed.

There were three kids, an older boy and what appeared to be twin girls. By "older" I mean maybe eight years old. The girls were five. I know this because they told everyone. Over. And Over. And over again.

They're running around like three fucking banshees, screaming, yelling, etc. I saw the three kids go through no fewer than twelve coffee cups of water. (The process goes like so: One child decides they're thirsty, gets cup, goes to drinking fountain and proceeds to fill cup, slopping water all over the place in the process. The other two follow suit. Each of them takes like two sips of water and gives the mostly full cup to MoronDad, who sets it down and ignores it. Repeat this whole process several times until MoronDad has about a dozen coffee cups of water around him).

MoronDad and MoronMom are sitting in the waiting room. There's two of them, yup, it's true. Two people who ... well, we shouldn't say can't control their fucking kids, because I've got no idea, because they didn't even try. The entire time they were there, the MoronParents were filling out some paperwork or something for some pre-school or some shit, completely oblivious to the havoc their kids were wreaking.

Well, that's not true, occasionally, they'd notice something they were doing, but then completely act inappropriately. For instance, AnnoyingBratGirl#1 was grabbing coffee-stirrers by the handful and waving them all over the place, etc., etc. MoronDad's answer? No, not "throw those away now that you've had your disgusting little dirty mitts all over them". It was "put those kid-filth-covered stirrers back so people can put them in their nice fresh drinks and get whatever germs you've gotten all over yourself by crawling around on the floor for the last twenty minutes."

OK, maybe he didn't put it quite that way. In fact, he didn't even mention the germs or anything at all. He just told her to put them back. But that's what I heard in my head, honest.

About a half-hour into this ordeal, another woman walks in with her son. This is a mom who knows what she's doing. She's bought her son a brand new toy that doesn't require noise to play with it. A toy train with a couple other vehicles like a tractor or something. This woman has clearly been around the block and knows how to keep her kid from being an annoying pain in the ass.

Instantly -- and I really do mean instantly, they must be able to smell these things -- the three brats stop annoying some couple on the other side of the waiting room and make a beeline for the toys. Now, NormalKid is trying to play with his brand new choo-choo train, and AssholeBoy is grabbing it, telling the kid what to do, etc., etc.

MoronParents? Completely immersed in their paperwork, oblivious to what their kids were doing. I seriously thought about offering them crack cocaine right then and there to see if the parents would even notice...

For the next twenty minutes, this nice woman is now these annoying little brats' fucking babysitter. They take her kid's toys. She takes them back, and gives them to her son. They demand her attention. They (and this is funny) mock the quality of the toy that they are attempting to steal from its owner ("Look at this, this is all flimsy. This sucks," .. a direct quote).

I felt this urge boiling up inside me to say as loud as possible, "Excuse me, but can anyone tell me why the fuck this nice woman has been elected to be the babysitter for these fucktard kids whose parents are assholes?"

But I lacked the strength of will to make that big of a scene. I must be getting old and mellow or something.

So, I did the next best thing. Her car was coming out at the same time as mine. So I had the desk clerk get her paperwork and do it immediately after mine. I plopped down my credit-card and paid for her oil change. When she looked at me with this incredulous look and asked, "Why?!", I didn't bother to keep quiet when I said "Well, you've done such a fine job babysitting the kids of parents who can't be bothered to control their own kids, that I figured you deserved a break."

Turns out she was most worried that her son, who apparently can be very possessive about toys, was going to haul off and beat the crap out of the BratPack. I offered her an additional $20.00 if she could convince him to do it. :-)

I noticed the scowling looks from the MoronParents as I'd called them on the carpet in a way for their completely inappropriate lack of parenting skills, but who cares? Seriously, I can get behind forced sterilization of people who won't control their kids, especially after today.

Here's hoping that lady's day got a little brighter, anyway.

I'm beta-testing a financial management application for the Mac. The instructions clearly said "You should continue to maintain data in the last production version, as well as in the beta version, as data files may not transfer from beta to beta." (or words to that effect).

Now, I'd been a beta-tester for this application before. Several times. In years of testing it, I never had a data-file that wouldn't migrate itself from gold->beta->beta->new_gold quite easily.

So I stopped actually keeping data up-to-date in the old "gold" version. Why bother, right?

Wrong.

Installed Beta3 today. It refuses to read the Beta2 file.

Looks like I've now got to recreate the last two months of transactions. Oh, and since I installed Beta2 on top of Beta3, I need to find a copy of Beta2 somewhere so I can read the data and recreate it accurately.

Can you say "Ugh"?

So he's being all gracious about it, and not pressing charges after a prankster squirted him with water from a squirt-gun at a movie premiere.

I feel so much better knowing that the lead half of TomKat is such a magnanimous man that he will let slide the despicable and vile act of anointing him with maybe .5cc of common tap water. I mean, seriously, the nerve of those folks! Everyone knows that only Evian, blessed by the holy leaders of Scientology, is ever allowed to touch The Disciple Cruise. Even the rain is specifically forbidden from falling on his head. If a scene in a movie requires him to stand in the rain, there's a lot of water blessing going on that day, let me tell you.

It was fucking water, you pompous, self-righteous ass. A guy squirted you with water, not like hydrochloric acid or something. If that's the sort of thing that sets you off, it's no wonder that whole marriage thing didn't work out for you before.

Dick.

As my last day at $ORKPLACE nears, the vultures have been circling for days around my office, looking for things they can steal for their own environments. Yesterday, the Marketing department demanded the return of a refrigerator that I had pilfered during the move to the new building. When I came in this morning, some co-workers had stolen the bookshelves that I had emptied out a few days prior. Yesterday, I heard people discussing the best way of acquiring my flat-panel monitors without anyone noticing.

But the final straw was when someone stole my fucking door.

They're building out a new office on the other side of the building. Apparently the construction crew brought with them a door, but it was defective (well, it's "as designed" but "inappropriate", as it is lacking an actual latch mechanism to hold it closed).

So instead of delaying the other office's build-out by a couple hours while they went back, got the right door, and did things right, they came down here, stole my fucking door, gave me the crappy broken one, and gave the FNG my perfectly functional door.

Guess I don't need any privacy in my final days. :-)

But, in all seriousness, that is the most bold vulturing I've ever seen in my entire career. :-)

Yesterday, I took a day off from work to run some errands and to see Batman Begins.

The summary in three words: It was great.

As a film designed to be a prelude to a new series of Batman movies, there's a lot of backstory to cover, and they do a remarkable job of both telling what seems to be rather dull information (but which, obviously, all makes Bruce who he is), without actually losing the attention of the viewer.

The new Batmobile? Bad-ass. As one of the characters in the movies even says, "I gotta get me one of them..."

If you haven't seen it yet, go see it. It's probably the best telling of the Batman story to date, even beating out Tim Burton's "not bad at all" version.

I've ranted my share about housing associations, and about zoning in general. I think both of them are basically ways for fascist people to dictate to other people what they can do with their property.

In fact, I only recently got into a really long argument with a friend who's trying to use zoning to prevent a neighbor from doing what they want to with their own property.

But for anyone who thinks that housing associations aren't fascist scumbags intent on telling you what you can do with your own house, I say that you need to visit Franklin, TN, where apparently garage doors are now the latest focus of ire.

Right, because all these years of garage doors that faced the street, dad outside washing the car on a summer day, kids playing basketball or riding their Big Wheel in the driveway... those are all nasty ugly things which absolutely must be stamped out.

But remember kids, us libertarian-minded folks who have been telling you that this is the sort of thing you had to look forward to, we're just paranoid. Nobody would really think to do shit like this. Honest.

I won't pretend to interpret this one. Seriously.

I'm apparently living on campus at Marist. But in a building that doesn't exist (the place I'm living is actually like a house, except that it's located where a parking lot is today). There's a big-ass woodchuck or mole hole in the ground near the white picket fence (Seriously, a white picket fence). I look down the hole with this flashlight (the hole is huge, like 5-6" across) and I can see that there's this huge cave down there. And I see turtles surprised by my light (awww) then I see that there's other turtles. And seriously, they begin to have a knock-down, drag-out war... like four-on-four. Oh, and the turtles have these cool designs painted onto their shells.

So I say "wow, that's cool" and then head off to class. I meet one of my roommates there, who apparently is John Cusack. I don't remember much of what followed that, except that it involved a large group of the class walking out, and as we passed through another classroom, we were saying things like "Two shows daily, folks, 8 and 10, please tip your waitresses." .... then I bailed on my buddy John Cusack so I could go head over to the radio station and do some heavy metal radio show on the campus radio station.

That's when I woke up.

That is seriously one of the most whacked out dreams I've ever had.

Now I should have known better.

I had to ship out the first of the eBay packages today. So I checked the UPS web site (since I needed to have it boxed up, and there's no FedEx/Kinkos anywhere near here). It told me that the local store's hours were 8:30-7:00. So I came home from work, picked up the stuff to get boxed up, and headed over to the UPS Store. Got there around 6:30 or so.

Found it dark, locked up tighter than Fort Knox. Apparently, they actually close at 6.

I should have learned these lessons in the past. I mean, I keep getting sucked in by their convenient proximity to where I live, and it seems to temporarily make me forget how much their completely abysmal customer service ethic will annoy me after I'm sucked in.

Argh.

I haven't posted an entry in a while, so I figured I'd give a brief run-down on the various goings-on in my life.

First, the big news is that I've accepted a new position at a company in the city. I start there around about the end of the month. I'll be doing it sounds like mostly the same sorts of things I'm doing now, except that I will be doing it down in Times Square. My commute will go up by about 20 minutes or so each way, but it'll be on the train (either Amtrak or Metro-North... not sure which yet, but MNR for now), which means that I can actually do stuff while commuting, instead of just concentrating on the road. That, and the fact that (train+parking+subway) costs are still cheaper than the ludicrous cost of gas to and from Goshen.

Second, I started pondering "the next time I move", and how much assorted junk I've accumulated... I've started "the great purge," eBay'ing as much stuff as I can, so that the next time I move, it doesn't take nearly so much effort, energy, or (in my laziness factor) as many moving men to do the job. I'm selling the TiVo (it's become a boat-anchor for me, with all the HD programming I watch these days), the old G4/450, playstation games, and probably a shitload of DVDs. I've even pondered getting rid of the fucking Jeep, that albatross that's been around my neck for years. I'd have to sort out some issues to make that thing go away, but nothing I couldn't achieve I don't think.

As I wrapped my head around the idea of getting rid of some of this stuff, it felt liberating. I come from a long line of hoarders... my dad's a mild hoarder (he won't admit it, though)... my grandfather had a bunch of stuff, and my great-aunt (his sister) was practically a mental-patient-quality hoarder. It's cool to realize I'm breaking that cycle.

Anyhow, that's what's new and exciting... new job, new lifestyle... good stuff goin' on...

Is there someone out there who honestly believes that the original Poseidon Adventure wasn't good enough and needs to be re-made?

In a 6-3 ruling today, The Supreme Fucktards ruled that the Federal Government has the ability to regulate an entirely intrastate transaction, namely medical marijuana.

Here's the facts, laid out very simply:

• The patients are California citizens
• The doctors are California doctors
• The marijuana is grown in California
• The marijuana is distributed in California
• The marijuana may never leave California
• Nowhere in the Constitution is the Federal Government granted the right to regulate intrastate commerce
• Amendment X to the United States Constitution says, and I quote, "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people."
• Thus, the right to regulate intrastate commerce is reserved specifically to the States. In this case, that is California.
• California voters passed, with an overwhelming majority, a law which permitted this intrastate commerce.
• The Supreme Court said, nope, even though none of us have M.D.s, we're going to override lots of smart people who do have medical licenses, and we're going to violate the Constitution to do it, and say that we think marijuana's bad, and you can't use it.

You want to know what makes people want to get up on top of buildings with high powered rifles? This is the sort of thing that does that. And, to be clear, I'm not saying that people should or that I'm going to do that, or any of that crap (so please, let's not send Federal agents to my door, I'm not at all threatening anyone). I'm simply saying that the next time the Secret Service arrests some nutjob for running around on the White House lawn with a gun, or threatening a Justice, or any of those other certifiably whack-job things, and all these people want to know "what could possibly drive that guy to think the system has been perverted and corrupted?" that this is the sort of thing they can very easily point to and ask simply, "If the Supreme Court is going to piss all over the Constitution, then who exactly is going to defend the people against a tyrannical Federal government?

Pope John Paul, in his last will and testament, demanded that all of his personal papers be burned upon his death. The pope, according to Catholic doctrine, is the voice of god. What he says, god is saying, that's the deal.

So the voice of god said "burn these immediately upon the death of Pope John Paul."

... and his personal secretary thinks he knows better than the voice of god and has decided that not only must they not be burned, but that they must be made public.

Of course, it wouldn't be politically nimble for Benedict to excommunicate the old fucker for disobeying the dying wishes of the last guy-with-a-big-hat, but that's what he should be doing. After all, what kind of precedent does that set, if you only have to listen to the pontiff if you fucking-well-feel-like-it?

Last night, I trekked my ass down to Sayreville, NJ. There, at the Starland Ballroom, I paid witness to the return of the original lineup of thrash metal greats, Anthrax. (Ok, yes, to be pedantic, it wasn't the original lineup, it didn't have the singer who was only around for their first album and fired shortly thereafter, it had Joey Belladonna, who came after and lasted for nearly a decade or so).

Starland is a great little venue. I had arranged for pre-show soundcheck access. Because the soundcheck kept getting delayed later and later, the Starland folks agreed that when we all came back after soundcheck (because you get kicked out in between soundcheck and doors-open), we would use the VIP entrance, and come in 15 minutes before doors-open. This way, we all had first pick of the choice spots against the rail. And there I was, at stage right, for the entire evening. Right behind one of the camera-crew for the live DVD they will filming of the show.

It was a setlist filled with old classics that we haven't heard Belladonna sing live in years. I would have been intrigued to hear him try out some songs from the John Bush era (after all, Bush tackled Belladonna-era songs with the Greater of Two Evils CD). But, alas, it did not come to pass.

The show was great. Security was awesome (even gave me a bottle of water midway through the show, which I slugged from and then passed back to the masses like a good concert-goer). It was just an extremely pleasant experience all around.

I miss John Bush, though. It's still sorta up in the air what's going to happen with the "present-day" lead singer. In actuality, I don't think Joey has the right voice to sing Bush-era songs. So if Joey is back "permanently", those Bush-era songs are going to vanish into the ether more or less, which is shame, because some of those albums are just phenomenal, like Sound of White Noise or We've Come For You All.

Perhaps they could end up with the "two lead singers" thing. Joey singing Joey-era songs, John singing John-era songs, and then collaborating with some of each on new albums. That would be the best of both worlds, but who knows if something like that could come to pass.

Anthrax is going out on tour this summer with this lineup, you should definitely check them out when they come around.

This is some of the funniest shit yet. It's the Revenge of the Sith script as only true fans could have re-written it. An example:

                       EWAN MCGREGOR

            It's over, Hayden. If you jump over

            to me, I will cut your shit off.



                     HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN

            You underestimate my power to

            decide not to jump to the low ground

            in front of you where I will be able

            to safely continue duelling, but to

            instead try to jump all the way over

            you and get my shit cut off!



He JUMPS and gets SLICED AND DICED. Then COMPLETELY BURNED.



                     HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN

            Motherfucker!



                       EWAN MCGREGOR

            I'm leaving, Hayden! Even though

            you are writhing in agony, I won't

            do the humane thing and put you out

            of your misery. You're the dick,

            though.

On the way over to D's for dinner last night, she asked that I pick some stuff up from Shop-Rite, including a pound of coffee from the Dunkin' Donuts inside there. So I go in, it's about 7pm, and pick up the bag of coffee. There's a sign there: "Coffee Bag purchases may be rung up at registers after 8 p.m." Since it's still only 7, I go over to the Dunkin' Donuts register instead. She rings it up, I hand over my American Express. She says, "oh we don't take that." OK, that's not uncommon, I exchange it for my Visa. "Cash only," she says.

I tell her I have no cash. She suggests I go hit an ATM (and, of course, pay a service charge). I said, "Well, clearly in an hour it'd be ok for me to buy this at the regular cashier, can I just take it over there and pay for it?"

Nope, only allowed to take it over there when the Dunkin Donuts staff is not around not just when they refuse to take your payment.

The lessons for retailers here are twofold:

1. - Make payment methods consistent. If I walk into a grocery store that has the Visa/MasterCard/AmEx/Discover logos in a big sticker on the door, I don't expect you to tell me when I get inside that "this little portion over here doesn't take any of those". If the store takes these various payments, everything in that store should take those payment methods.

2. - Arbitrary rules suck, and piss off your customers. Clearly, Shop-Rite's registers are capable of ringing me up for the coffee. If I'd come there an hour later, they'd have been happy to do so. Clearly, they've already sorted out "how to reimburse Dunkin' Donuts for pounds of coffee that get rung up at the normal registers." If all that is the case, don't force me to pay for that coffee at the Dunkin Donuts register. Even if they took my payment method, you're making me stand in two separate lines when all I really need to do is stand in one. But, especially when they're not capable of taking my payment, it's clearly in the retailer's best interest to let me use another established payment location (the checkout lanes) so as to bring in the money.

Instead, what they got was me telling the girl to void the coffee sale, and then went through the checkout lanes with the rest of my stuff. They could easily have had $7.99 more worth of purchase, but they clearly didn't want it bad enough.