Moron Absentee Parents, and Random Acts Of Kindness

I went into the local Jiffy Lube today to get the oil changed in the Jeep and get its annual State Inspection before the end of the month. What I was confronted with when I got to the waiting room looked like a scene from a kindergarden, except with the authority figures removed.

There were three kids, an older boy and what appeared to be twin girls. By "older" I mean maybe eight years old. The girls were five. I know this because they told everyone. Over. And Over. And over again.

They're running around like three fucking banshees, screaming, yelling, etc. I saw the three kids go through no fewer than twelve coffee cups of water. (The process goes like so: One child decides they're thirsty, gets cup, goes to drinking fountain and proceeds to fill cup, slopping water all over the place in the process. The other two follow suit. Each of them takes like two sips of water and gives the mostly full cup to MoronDad, who sets it down and ignores it. Repeat this whole process several times until MoronDad has about a dozen coffee cups of water around him).

MoronDad and MoronMom are sitting in the waiting room. There's two of them, yup, it's true. Two people who ... well, we shouldn't say can't control their fucking kids, because I've got no idea, because they didn't even try. The entire time they were there, the MoronParents were filling out some paperwork or something for some pre-school or some shit, completely oblivious to the havoc their kids were wreaking.

Well, that's not true, occasionally, they'd notice something they were doing, but then completely act inappropriately. For instance, AnnoyingBratGirl#1 was grabbing coffee-stirrers by the handful and waving them all over the place, etc., etc. MoronDad's answer? No, not "throw those away now that you've had your disgusting little dirty mitts all over them". It was "put those kid-filth-covered stirrers back so people can put them in their nice fresh drinks and get whatever germs you've gotten all over yourself by crawling around on the floor for the last twenty minutes."

OK, maybe he didn't put it quite that way. In fact, he didn't even mention the germs or anything at all. He just told her to put them back. But that's what I heard in my head, honest.

About a half-hour into this ordeal, another woman walks in with her son. This is a mom who knows what she's doing. She's bought her son a brand new toy that doesn't require noise to play with it. A toy train with a couple other vehicles like a tractor or something. This woman has clearly been around the block and knows how to keep her kid from being an annoying pain in the ass.

Instantly -- and I really do mean instantly, they must be able to smell these things -- the three brats stop annoying some couple on the other side of the waiting room and make a beeline for the toys. Now, NormalKid is trying to play with his brand new choo-choo train, and AssholeBoy is grabbing it, telling the kid what to do, etc., etc.

MoronParents? Completely immersed in their paperwork, oblivious to what their kids were doing. I seriously thought about offering them crack cocaine right then and there to see if the parents would even notice...

For the next twenty minutes, this nice woman is now these annoying little brats' fucking babysitter. They take her kid's toys. She takes them back, and gives them to her son. They demand her attention. They (and this is funny) mock the quality of the toy that they are attempting to steal from its owner ("Look at this, this is all flimsy. This sucks," .. a direct quote).

I felt this urge boiling up inside me to say as loud as possible, "Excuse me, but can anyone tell me why the fuck this nice woman has been elected to be the babysitter for these fucktard kids whose parents are assholes?"

But I lacked the strength of will to make that big of a scene. I must be getting old and mellow or something.

So, I did the next best thing. Her car was coming out at the same time as mine. So I had the desk clerk get her paperwork and do it immediately after mine. I plopped down my credit-card and paid for her oil change. When she looked at me with this incredulous look and asked, "Why?!", I didn't bother to keep quiet when I said "Well, you've done such a fine job babysitting the kids of parents who can't be bothered to control their own kids, that I figured you deserved a break."

Turns out she was most worried that her son, who apparently can be very possessive about toys, was going to haul off and beat the crap out of the BratPack. I offered her an additional $20.00 if she could convince him to do it. :-)

I noticed the scowling looks from the MoronParents as I'd called them on the carpet in a way for their completely inappropriate lack of parenting skills, but who cares? Seriously, I can get behind forced sterilization of people who won't control their kids, especially after today.

Here's hoping that lady's day got a little brighter, anyway.